wicked wicked birthday
tonight, the 25th, we'll be celebrating (at least) a double b-day at river gods. it's my brother's birthday at midnight, the 26th, and mine the following day, the 27th. (i'm a year and 364 days older.) having had such close birthdays all our lives - rumor has it we would have shared the same day had he not been "taken out" a day early so the doctor could go on vacation (though i may have made that up just to tease him) - we have combined our birthday parties on many an occasion, which, once you get over having to share the attention, is a lot of fun.
among my fondest memories of our shared birthdays are several trips our family made to an ol'fashioned icecream parlour called chadwick's. not only did chadwick's have a nickelodeon in the corner, which would slap'n'clap itself into some chunky ragtime, not to mention an item called the "belly buster" (i.e., a bowl of icecream so large it had to be carried in on a stretcher, effortfully, by two young men), chadwick's also boasted the tradition of presenting any birthday boy or girl with a free sundae and no small pomp and circumstance.
first, the bass drum: BOOM BOOM BOOM. then, a rapidly rung bell: DING DING DING DING. and then, clientele rapt, some teenager behind the counter in a styrofoam hat would say, as loud as he or she could, something like, "LADIES AND GENTLEMEN WE'RE VERY HAPPY TO HAVE YOU HERE TONIGHT BUT WE'RE ESPECIALLY HAPPY TO HAVE..." and then he or she would insert the lucky kid's name and everyone would sing "happy birthday" as a perfect little sundae - hot fudge, whipped cream, and a cherry on top - was placed in front of the smiling kid.
or in our case, kids.
you see, we'd tell a little white lie and pretend that the doctor didn't go away on vacation after all and, so yeah, we shared the same birthday. and then we'd both get pomp and circumstance and sundaes, which was a real treat.
on two occasions, though, inexplicably, something went terribly wrong. we told them we were brothers with the same birthday and they asked us if we wanted sundaes and then before too long there was the BOOM BOOM BOOM DING DING DING DING and the "LADIES AND GENTLEMEN WE'RE VERY HAPPY TO HAVE YOU HERE TONIGHT..."
but twice - yes twice! - instead of saying "BUT WE'RE ESPECIALLY HAPPY TO HAVE...WAYNE AND JASON!" they said "BUT WE'RE ESPECIALLY HAPPY TO HAVE...JAYNE AND WASON!"
that's right: "JAYNE AND WASON"
well, as you can imagine, that was a little funny and a little embarassing too. (and much more funny than embarassing the second time, natch.)
i mean, who would people think was JAYNE and who was WASON?
as you might guess, neither of us - since, yes, we HAD to decide who was who - wanted to be JAYNE. and although the question of who is JAYNE might seem clear to you, dear reader, we had heated arguments full of complex logic. "clearly," i'd contend, "it's the first letter that's most important, most determining." (though i'm sure i didn't say it that way.) he'd counter, persuasively (though i'd never concede so in the moment), "come now: it's the number of letters, the overall sound of the word, that matters." (and i'm sure he didn't say it that way.)
to this day the question of who is JAYNE and who is WASON remains in dispute.
fortunately, though, there's no bad blood between us, so me and my bro still celebrate together any chance we get. and tonight is just such an opportunity, being my monthly thingamajig, wicked wicked thursday, over at the gods. i mean, really, why not celebrate at a comfy lil' place where we run the sound and the guinness pours sweet? indeed, to make the night even sweeter and keep the vibes nice'n'festive i've enlisted two of my favoritest, funnest local DJs: mistah pace (soon to be doctah pace!) and DJ BC, boston's king of bastard pop (who gave a
if you'd care to raise your glass and nod your head with us, we'll be doing so from about 9-1. as usual, it's free. (of course, if you've got other plans, i don't blame ya. if it wasn't my monthly gig and me and my bro's b-day and all, i'd probably be heading here myself.)
finally, just to add a (suspicious?) twist to the JAYNE and WASON double-debacle, it appears that chadwick's once employed not one but TWO of the SNL comedians who've made wicked retahded a nationally-recognized phrase. go figya.
BOOM BOOM BOOM DING DING DING DING
and just for fun, here's a techno-polka version of "happy birthday" i cooked up years ago, back when i was living in wisconsin and in considerably closer earshot to both techno and polka.
wayne&wax, "waxy birthday"