implosion nearly really imminent?

the following points of light come from an ol' "radical" catholic-socialist friend of mine, a guy who has often reminded me of the good things the church has done and can do. like many, he is incensed by the choice for new pope.

he makes the following recommendations to save the church from imminent implosion. it's crazy that such sentiments mark him as a "radical." they seem like rather reasonable recommendations to me. i say: let the elitists have their "church"; may the rest of the flock reclaim the term "catholic" for the truly universal-minded. me, i've gone from "recovering catholic" to "atheistic" to "not religious." but i still care.

A response to those Roman Catholic clerics who accuse us ordinary folks of secularism, consumerism and "the sins of the flesh":

1. Many of us are fighting for an optional married priesthood. If you will not fight along with us none the less we expect you to keep your trousers zipped at all times. God is watching and so are we.

2. If the only woman you ever knew before ordination was mom, better ask those angry women in the pews about patriarchy and their exclusion from full church participation. Before they walk out.

3. We demand for all diocesen clergy a vow of poverty, like St. Benedict's so as to control any itch for state-of-the-art rectories, BMWs and summer dachas. The enormous surplus created could be given to AIDS victims in all those countries where missionaries condemn safe sex.

4. Instruct the bishop of Rome to donate to the poor, his sheep, all gold, silver and precious jewels - as seen on TV - from church property. Such opulence, when the wretched of the world can find neither work nor bread, seems idolatrous. As they say in his Vaterland (fatherland) "gib mit warmen Haenden" (give with warm hands).

5. Finally, our bedrooms are off limits for clerical investigation or admonition. Don't go there. You are welcome in the parlour of course, where we value a dialog on justice, love, peace and the beatitudes. If you promise not to throw any anathemas at us, we'll return the favor.

Peace, brothers.